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The JOHN MOORE EMPORIUM
Treat Yourself to a Greaser Priest Shirt.
John Moore and The Expressway T-Shirts. Original 1988 cellophane wrapped. Will make you irresistible to lady or gentlemens and bring you much success in lottery. £10 + £2 p and p.
The heritage collection.
Forget shares, gold, so-called art, items from the John Moore Heritage collection are virtually guaranteed to massively appreciate in value.
Be smart, invest for the future now.
1 Waffen SS black leather Motorcyclist coat. Original 1930’s. Not great condition – a few rips, lots of scuffs, torn lining, the odd bullet hole, etc but could be restored by conscientious person. It was worn by Sarah Nixey on the inside cover of The Facts Of Life album. You will never find another one of these. Thank God.
1 Rubber suit and mask. Crash test dummy suit, as worn by John Moore and Luke Haines in the video for The Art Of Driving.
£1,000.00
1 white suit. As worn by John Moore on the cover of The Facts Of Life. Trousers could do with some attention, and a few buttons missing.
£500.00
1 Dark Blue Merc Tonic Suit. As worn by John Moore in Black Box Recorder photographs.
£300.00
NB. All items certified genuine by John Moore
Sizing. John Moore was/is 5 feet 10 inches in height, had a thirty inch waist, 30 inch inside leg, and a thirty-eight/forty inch chest.
Shoe size 9. Any other measurements can be taken by prior arrangement… for a reasonable fee.
If there is anything you are particularly interested in that you don’t see advertised, that you’d like to acquire for your own John Moore memorabilia collections – old cushions, socks, records, photographs, items of clothing, cuttings of hair, fingernails, vials of blood etc Contact me for prices.
NB. Prices may differ depending on who’s asking.
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Personal Appearances.
John Moore can be rented by the hour for personal appearances, singing, companionship, dog walking, light carpentry, even household chores if the price is right.
Prices start at £50 per hour, fully clothed dog walking, and extend to £5,000.00 per hour, for singing and performing household chores while unclothed.
Should you wish to book John Moore, he requires first class train, air or cab fare, feeding every four hours, a constant supply of reasonable red wine, somewhere nice to sleep, bathe, and write poetry, and all moneys deposited into his bank account in advance.
In certain circumstances, John Moore can be booked as a sexual healer. This offer applies to ladies only – except in extraordinary cases, but certainly to nobody below the age of 18. Must have passport, driving license, or written approval from a justice of the peace, head of institution, and cash up front…and no money back guarantees. Members of the armed forces entitled to a 5% discount.